maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
