Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize