I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
