How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
