It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
