Ambien. No doubt about it.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
