in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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