If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
