I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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