The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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