Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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