Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Vodka?
Forever.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
