I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
