True but thats because hes a fetus.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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