only if we run a train.
done.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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