My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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