After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
