I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
