I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
