Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
