I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
