but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
