I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
