i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize