meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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