the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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