Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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