Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
