Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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