im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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