So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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