uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
