Cold hands, warm shart.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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