Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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