your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
