Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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