I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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