We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
