i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
4 words: hood of his car
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
