I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
