She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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