is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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