You work out of a Hotel?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize