we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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