Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
