I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
