I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
