If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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