he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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