he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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