Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
