I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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