Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
