I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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