Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
