proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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