im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
