I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
