p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
