I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
