By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize