Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you would pick up someone in the library
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
