have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
