dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
