ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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