I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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