One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
