Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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