just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
