I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
